so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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