Do you still have your period?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
