dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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