Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
