Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
