i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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