Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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