ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
