You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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