Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
