He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
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My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
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He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You are the jesus of drinking
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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