we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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