New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
