i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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