uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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