at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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