so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
