Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Panties = found
Randomize
