Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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