I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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