You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
