In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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