Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
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When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
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As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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