he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
