I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
