Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
