Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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