if i can run in heels then i can drive
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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