I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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