After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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