Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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