I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
