I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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