somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
