Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
