I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
