Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
