I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
