ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
