There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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