Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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