i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
