apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs