If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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