Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
