she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
