I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Still dying that you shit outside
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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