After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
