Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
