i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
