That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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