Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
