i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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