can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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