I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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