I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
