I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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